I wish I didn’t have horses right now

I have had the most horrificly horrible day ( I have started crying for no apperant reason several times and can’t sit down and concentrate on anything) which is coming off a horrible weekend (not entirely, I did have a lot of fun with my sister and her best friend Ashley when we went roller blading, but that was short lived) which was the ending to a horribly horrible week.

 

Why?

 

I have been trying to make the decision about Kezi’s fate. Should I put her down since I know she  is pain, or give her to a retirement faculity assuming she isn’t ready to go yet.

 

The decision has been rough , but after many long talks with Loren, and lots of advice on Bayequest and the horse forums, and also with the help of an animal communicator (who I am not entirely sure I believe in) I made my decision.

Since I know winter will be very difficult for her, but she just doesn’t look ready to go yet, I am going to wait until the rains come so she has a little bit more time, but she won’t have to go through the pain of another winter.

At some point I will show all the whys of how I came to this decision but right now I just don’t feel like it.

 

I am still coming to terms with this decision, which Loren thinks would be easier if I did it sooner rather then later since this solution puts it off. But it also gives me more time to accept that that is what I am doing. I made the decision last week and haven’t changed my mind yet.

 

Now the biggest thing weighing on my mind, is if I am ready to get another horse. I really, really want an endurance horse. Lucy has made it very clear that she will never be my endurance horse. I am not happy just trail riding any more. I want to go faster and do more and have a point to my riding. But I feel guilty looking at getting a new horse while I still have Kezi.

I think the idea of getting another horse will make me happier, but I still would have to contend with putting Kez down.

I don’t think my happiness should rest on weather or not I have a new endurance horse, and yet that is part of what is making me so down.

 

Hopefully I will have another blog that will be a bit more cheerful soon, although I don’t really feel like riding much right now.