So today I came to the decision to quit all of the non-profits I help out at. This is actually a rather long list once I thought about it”
Pescadero Conservation Alliance, I was their “human resources” in other words I did everything that no one else wanted to do, and I answered questions.
Pescadero Foundation, I am the treasurer, we have a meeting next week at which point I will inform them of my decision (which I might note, it was not my idea to be in this position in the first place)
Pescadero Arts and Fun Festival, technicly I am not a part of this organization, but I have always helped out being the daughter of one of the founders and sister to one of the current members. I have never missed one festival, I was two when they started.
Community Christmas tree, sponsered by the Pescadero Arts and Fun Festival, ,my mom and Lorens mom were more or less in charge of it. When my mom died I just kept on getting the tree and helping Kellie decorate it.
The funny thing is that I had pretty much decided most if not all of them before today. But today is when I decided to get out of PCA, it had to do with an e-mail which I will not go into. PAFF I knew right after that I was not interested in going or helping out anymore, and I had just told Loren yesterday that this would be the last year for me with dealing with the tree. Why? Because I use terms like “dealing with the tree”. I am no longer happy doing these volunteer jobs. I want a more simplistic life, I thought that I wanted the busy fast paced life my mother lead. A part of me too thinks that really, I wasn’t in it for the good and the humility of helping, but because I wanted to be important and praised for me great abilities. I wanted to seem busy and importaint and just really good at what I did. But the fact of the matter is I am not good enough at any of these things for myself. Other people seems happy with the jobs I do, but I expect more. So until I am capable of more (lets not forget that I am only 20 and have been involved with many of theses things since before I was 18) I would prefer to simplify my life a little more. My job is hard and stressful enough.
My dad will be upset, because he really liked me being involved at PCA, but I have to admit (and I can only admit this here) I don’t see the organization going anywhere. I think it will continue to flounder until it just dies. I know this shows no confidence, but I trust my instincts and they are rarely wrong.
Its funny because in many ways I think everything with Ocean helped start this.
- I thought I wanted a really nice talented endurance horse to take me far – I really just want Lucy.
- I thought I enjoyed having a fast paced busy life – I want something more simple that allows me to enjoy what I am doing in the moment.
- I thought I wanted to be involved in a sport that allowed me to plan everything and monitor my horse health and condition and that I could make goals and schedule – I want to just ride my horse and no longer have goals or ambitions (for the time being), I want to ride then go home and be happy that I just rode, not depending on how many miles we went or how fast she went.
I know, I promised no more unusual posts! But its been a very strange enlightening week, what can I say!!
4 comments:
Good for you.
I had to quit several groups that I had been a part of for a long time. I just got too over scheduled. It was such a relief to be able to spend some time at home and not always be going and going and going....
Yes that is what I am realizing. Plus, my job is already very difficult and full of tough responsibilities, I don't need more!
Sometimes you just have to "jump ship" before it goes down by itself :) same thing with school organizations and me...
That certainly is an interesting way of putting it! Haha! I think I am going to have a hard time leaving PCA since its my dads thing and he really counts on me for it.
Sigh.
We will see.
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